Insomnia making rounds.

oh god i cant afford this mental breakdown right now. im terrified of the future and how we are going to get through this long recovery. I have never felt this utterly hopeless before. ive always been hyper independent. not even by choice but because i was forced to be my entire life. now Im the one who needs help and content daily assistances. without my brace im terrified to move or get up by myself and i cant put the damn thing on myself. that loss of strength, independence and vitality is sicking. I've never felt this weak and hopeless. being financially and physicaly dependent on someone else is a humilating experience, esp knowing he doesn't make enough to cover even half the bills i paid. I can't even work and support myself. I'm worthless and can't even mow my own lawn, or pick anything off the ground without assistance. im so over this entire year already. i just want to skip straight to 2027 and be healed. I wish the accident had never happened at all. I never wanted a broken back and now I'm living with it for the rest of my life. I can't even process it right now. I wish I could talk to someone but I don't know even know who to call who would put up with me and this hopeless frustation that I'm feeling right now that I can't even contain within myself anymore. I can't handle it right now, how can i expect anyone else to put up with me and this depression and hopelessness? who would even want to? No one deserves to have to deal with me. Am I even worth it? this pain feels like razor blades cutting up my spine constantly. It doesnt matter if i rest or am active all day. its difficult to fall asleep at night and there are so many I dont even try. I've never felt this weak and exhausted before. I hate the pain and sensation of razor blades slicing up and down my spine with every movement. I wans to to back in time to before the accident and never have it. My back and my entire life is ruined