Frustration Dreams

 I'm having those dreams again, and its been so long since they've troubled my sleep. The frustration dreams, I call them. One where I'm trapped and can't get out of the rubble that covers me, frantically climbing the edge of the hole I'm buried in only to find that it never ends, and even if I reach the top, a chain attached to my ankle holds me before it pulls me back down again.

Or the one where I'm walking along, a blinding white light prevents me from opening my eyes, no matter how hard I struggle to do so, I can't see where I'm walking, nor can i force myself to stop following that strange, sightless path. On and on, for many miles, I walk in blindness. Terror and uncertainty my only companions. When my eyes finally open, there is nothing to see, for I am truly blind.

The last, and one that truly frightens me the most, I'm driving along, usually in a jeep or a truck. A huge wave can be seen in my rear view mirror, that I'm driving away from. Sometimes there are others in the car with me, other times I'm alone, left to ponder the fate of my friends. No matter how fast I drive, it is always there, waiting for its opportunity to claim a new victim.

Suddenly, there is always traffic, moving along on a narrow, winding road, but when a stop is required, I find I have no breaks. I hit them and nothing happens, I'm forced to watch in terror as I see the bumper of the vehicle in front of me come closer, with no way to avoid missing it without plummeting to my death off the edge of a cliff. The utter feeling of helplessness and terror takes over right before the painful moment of metal and glass colliding. I hate the accident dream. One of my biggest fears is the breaks of my car failing me, and after living this nightmare for real, its frightening to realize how accurate the mere dream was to the reality, almost like it was less a dream, and more a vision.

Another, I'm usually standing in front of a mirror, and brushing my teeth. While I do so, one tooth randomly falls into the sink. I pick it up and look at it, then noticing the golden color to it, begin to brush that tooth even though it'll never go back into my mouth.

Pain and blood feels my mouth as I feel something wrong with my jaw. I begin pulling more teeth, watching in the mirror as a few more fall out while blood pools. A quick motion of my jaw and suddenly all the rest of my teeth shatter like glass, the shards clinking rapidly as they hit the red stained porcelain.

Many times I awaken from this one with a soft yell, checking my teeth to insure they are all there. I hate thsee dreams, manifestations as they are.

Flaring Tempers

I can feel the waves of depression and darkness beginning to rise  up and devour me. No matter how much I swim through the blackened waters, waves keep forcing me from breaking above the surface of despair. It so hard to swim to the top, and when you finally do break the surface of the water, its only to find that there is no air to breath, for ice blocks your way, and the current is ever there to pull you further down again.

Real life doesn't help. .. .A broken bowl, shattered plate. . . reminds me so much of the fits where things where throw against the wall near our heads as children. It upsets me when someone can't hold their temper. The sound of things broken always send me into a nearly panicked nervousness. Another hole in another wall. . . evidence of uncontrolled rage that gets covered with plaster and paint so easily, except the imprint, and the memory always remains.

That's how it starts, too. Uncontrolled rage, unpredictable behavior. Eventually, the line gets crossed. After that, there's no turning back as the anger gets redirected toward loved ones. Overnight, you become a completely different person, doing things you never dreamed of. Anger, and temper are two things to always be aware of in any kind of a relation, personal, business, or otherwise.

Today was a bad day. I really hope tomorrow will be better.