Visions through blood.

Have you ever bled out to the point that you felt like your body was on fire? I have. On the 20 of january. With every rush of blood I lost, I could feel my strength weakening. My life pouring out of me.

It felt like it was too thin and I was growing terrifed as I couldn't call for help. Those who I wanted to reach out to where too far away to do anything. I knew this time was different but feel back to old habits. Always before I could wait it out and it would calm down. Showers usually helped and I was desperate to clean up the mess.

I tried it. I remember the water hitting my skin. But standing up was a terrible idea. Pain immediatly traveled through my stomach to my head, slamming through me with every heartbeat as I realized I completely lost my vision in my right eye. That scared me more than anything as I wondered if the blindness would be permanent. I remember starring at my hand and seeing nothing.

My mind screamed for help, but I couldn't make a sound. Then I was no longer there. I drifted above the realms. Seeing the bifrost spread below me and all through me with my left eye. I had a birds eye view of the earth. I floated above the pain and panic. No vision in my right eye didn't bother me here.

The air around me shimmered with the colors of the rainbow, mostly greens, blues, purple and gold  and some red orange. Some colors I can't even describe and had never seen before. I was at peace and untouched by anything. It was peaceful, quiet. I don't know how long I drifted there. My grip on this realm was so fragil. I could feel it slipping away.

Wasn't sure if I wanted to wake back up. That silver thread back pulsed with pain, with terror, and panic. Had to force myself to remeber where I was or what happened. For a few moments I was so confused. Water was raining on me and I felt so tired and cold. I wanted to go back to sleep. I was on the shower floor, but didn't remember laying down. Mom was threatening to call an ambulance if I didn't move. The amount of blood was shocking. My body was burning from the inside out. Everything hurt.

I never felt so weak before. I could hear people speaking clearly all night in the hopsital. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness, and eventually forgot the information they kept asking me. Forgot my own name, or why I was even there. Couldn't answer the simplest questions. Talking was a struggle and it took all my willpower to summon the strength to move around when I was asked to. At one point I just couldn't move and told them so.  I've never felt so vulnerable or so afraid. The nurse didn't leave me alone hardly at all, which was a comfort.

One of the nurses held my hand, my mother my other arm. They held me down when I tried to sit up when the doctor started his exam. I think I may have passed out at that point. I don't remember anything else of the hospital visit. Just that it was abruptly over. That's the cloest I've ever come to death.