Wandering thoughts.

Thoughts are roaming my head in waves again, in the mist of tracing my family. .

My roommate offered me his car while he was gone, but I feel terrible about using it, and so haven't. I like to fill the gas tank when I take someon else's car, and I really can't afford to do that, so I hesitate to even drive it right now. I know he doesn't expect it to have any gas when he gets home, but using it without the ability to take care of it and do something as simple as fill the tank for him makes me feel terrible.

Maybe I should use it though, and go on a job search while he's away. And then what happens when he gets back though? I need a job around here that I can walk to work, or at least take a short bus trip to, but that really limits where I can look for a job around here.

This is starting to depress me again. I hate being out of work so long. It makes me feel like a loser.  I need to work. I don't feel complete if I don't have a job to complain about and go to. Hell I just want to get paid so I don't feel like I'm free loading.

I need to start putting in honest effort at making an income again. I'd like to start paying my bills again, and be able to contribute again. Helping with cleaning and watching kids only goes so far for so long.

Last thing I want to do is lose my roommates' respect.