I wish I could stay awake and find a job. Wish I was strong enough to look for one. Even just walking Duke leaves me utterly exhausted. I don't even look forward to the walks anymore to be honest. I know this is just a set back, but I'm starting to regret rejecting a blood transfusion when the doctor said I should get one.
I hate that this surgery is coming up. NO sense getting a job until after I recover from that. Most employers won't hire someone who is knowingly going to need time off the bat, but I need the income. Too many bills are coming up that need paid quickly, and I have no income or savings to cover them. I need the ability to stay awake long enough to work a shift though first.
Its funny. I live in a home where I sleep on the couch, with no space of my own, no real privacy except at night, and a duffle bag to hold my clothes with 98% of my stuff in stoarge, yet I feel the most welcome here then with any other roommate I've stayed with since coming to Hawaii.
I don't have to worry about Duke's safetly anymore. There's no one throwing dishes and breaking them in fits of anger. No one punching or kicking holes in the walls. No one berating me all the time and making me feel worthless. No judgements, or trash talking behind my back. And no worrying about getting punched, kicked or hit over stupid arguments anymore.
Now if only I could find a job and start helping them pay for groceries like I'm suppoed to, I'd be happy. I need to do more to help out. Sleeping most of the day does not contribute.
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