Imbolic

Blessed Imbolic. I'm letting this one slide by without anything done at my altar. Not a normal thing for me. Even as I look at it I have no desire to approach it, no desire to do a ritual, or celebrate the Sabbot, or even build a fire as I originally planned.

I need to take it down, cleanse it, and set it back up and recharge it. Maybe change the layout. That just sounds so exhausting to do. So it sits, cluttered at the bottom and feeling off to me. Too much stuff under it. Make me feel better to just clean that area back up. All I've managed is to rearrange the shelf of books so I can see the collection.

Extreme fatigue. I've learned the true meaning of that phase this month. No matter. At least now I have a doctor who seems to care, and is working to fix these problems.

I'm so freaking tired of Mike telling me to lower my standards and acting like finding a fucking job is a cake walk. IF It was I"D HAVE ONE! Newsflash, assholes, I WANT TO WORK! Why the hell can't I walk into an establishment and say hire me, and have someone say ok?

Why am I so deficient in making people like me on a first impression? What is wrong with me? I can go to interviews and job fairs all day long and still come home empty handed, even when I feel confident with how the interveiw went! Its so frustrating. 

Right now, I'm so sick I can't even attempt to look for a job and I have him badgering me about it. Lower your standards, find something quick, they'll pay for your degree! Fuck. Like I need to hear this shit right now. Fuck him. I have a degree. I want a job, and have been looking everywhere. Where the hell are these magical positions he seems to know so much about? Its all about who you know and I'm too shy around people to get them to open up around me like Nelson does everywhere he goes. Its a rare day when I can just walk up to someone and talk to them like we're old friends. I wish I could do that all the time!

Argh, Broke up with the asshole and he still can piss me off and make me feel worthless at the same time with one comment. I should seriously stop taking his calls. I am so done with this crap. I grasp at straws filling out applications online and hoping someone calls back. Just once, I want one lucky break to work in my favor and give me a good paying position.