Mortality

I nearly died this week. I am not suicidal, but I've had to come to terms with my own mortality. I remember in the car driving to the hospital I asked Thor for strenght to get through it. I guess he heard me as I'm still here. I had to come to terms with how fragil life is. How easily it can end, and how quickly.

It would have been easy to stay there where I was. Drifting quietly through space and time. I almost wanted to, if truth be told. There was so much pain in that silver thread connecting me back to this realm. So much anguish crippling depression, and severe pain and terror. Death would have been easy.

Living. That's what's hard.
That's where pain resides. And fear terror. Hate and anger. But its true what Nelson said too. This realm is a gift. There is beauty here too. Love, and friendships. People to care about and talk to. Good conversations, laughter and coffee. Such simple things in life are the gifts taken for granted. It's a gift we have for a short time. We are not immortal. We won't be here forever. The one thing you can't cheat or run from is death. He will collect his due on his timetable. Not ours. I didn't get lucky, I didn't cheat death. I simply wasn't on his books yet. Maybe my time grows short, maybe there are still decades left within me. One simply doesn't know for sure.

Ah. . I feel so off today. So out of it. Everything is bothering me, from the music I playing, to the sounds of a kid coloring to the silence in the house if i turn off the music. I can't even stand the energy contined in my own altar and keep having the temptation to completely empty it. Earsing. . .

My vibration is so off today. My mind feels fractured, out of sync. And another is reading mine too well. Don't know how I feel about that.

I don't think i fully came back from that realm. not this time. Soemthing stayed behind and i keep drifting off trying to find it. I need to come back, snap out of this. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I want to stop taking that medications. I don't like the way they make me feel together.