If only time travel was possible, or if I could just escape the pain that still flows so deeply through my soul. why does it always take me so long to tell my feelings to someone. By the time I can express them its so far too late. So far too gone.
How do people know that they want to marry the person they date? What prompts them to make the attempt for marriages?
How painful it is that the only guy i wanted to marry rejected me, although even I acknowledge that I deserved the rejection and should have stayed in town when he showed up. I never should have moved back to the black hole of my hometown.
What was there for me? Just pain and regret, still felt so sharply so many years later.
I no longer have a plan of action for my life anymore. I'm just drifting, going through the motions. Too tired to change what's wrong, too overwhelmed to fix what's been broken.
Maybe my sister is right. Maybe I am just too damaged. . .
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