Dealing w the demons

I'm kinda just been feeling dead on the inside, and i'm finding it harder to hide. I can't even keep faking these smiles anymore. I keep drifting in and out of time. So many memories i simply want to hide away in the darkest recesses of my mind. I have been so broken on the inside for so long. so isolated and alone w my internal struggles. I was always the person other people came to. who can I even talk to that I wont trigger with my issues? Everyone I know struggles with their own pain. I dont want to add mine to it. im broken inside and out now. i always feared my next accident would break my back. my worst fears came true this week. i can not believe i wrapped my Mustang around a tree. i loved that car, even with its issues. Im so scared. my life has completely changed and reset itself overnight. i just caught up financially and was feeling secure agian too. i should never have let that Trustage policy expire. i shoild have reinstated it and now its too late. how do i keep paying the bills? how do i manage my own home now? im overwheled and cant even vent to my friends about it. so much pressure is building in my head. everything Ive built is oiterally crumbling around me. i am not handling this well at all. its getting so bad again. i need to let someone in or im going to go insane. these have to be some of the worst burning times ive found myself going through in a long time. how do i even begin to figure out how deal with this? by the gods. i need help.