descions.

I find it odd that the main reason I don't want to have this surgery is it removes all doubt over my ability to have kids myself. Despite the fact I've said many times that I don't any kids and even gone to great lenghts to prevent pregnancy, the fact that the surgery removes the choice completely bothers me.

Its not even an issue of what kind of pain or complications the surgery might cause. I'm worried about something I supposedly don't even want. Can't ignore this issue anymore either. It weights too heavily on my mind. Besides, ignoring it was what put into motion the hemmorage back in Januray. Not too eager for a repeat experience of that.

I really wish the first two surgeries had fixed the issue. Then I wouldn't be facing this again. I don't want a surgerical cut into my abdomen. Don't really care how small the incisions are. I also don't want a full hysterectomy. I'm so used to pain that it doesn't generally bother me, except the times that its so overwhelming I can no longer ignore or push it away. Its a part of my life, although I recognize its not supposed to be, and it does hinder me at times.

Even then, the doctor can't guarentee that the surgery will take care of the issues with pain, even if he does manage to fully remove the fibroid with this surgery. Then again, doctors refuse to guarentee anything.

There's really nothing to be done about it though. Except go in, have the surgery, and deal with my regrets later on down the road, when they come crashing in over my head.