Just a crack in this house of glass.

People in my life wish that I would open up and trust them by talking to them. That's one of the most difficult things to do. Hell, I go to a therapist who gets paid to listen to this type of shit and I still have trouble bringing myself to talk about my problems. Trusting someone else with the shit inside my head is so difficult. No one wants a tour through this tortured mind.

I've been so fucked up for so long I don't know any other way to be. This is my normal. I used to be able to handle it on my own, but its been getting more difficult with each passing year.

How do you tell your friends that you are depressed and suicidal, and been dealing with those issues your whole life? That you honestly feel like you'd be better off dead and the world wouldn't even notice your absence? No one wants to hear that I feel worthless and like I will never amount to anything. I've been staring so long into the void that I wave when it starts gazing back at me.

That's one of the biggest reasons why I don't make any long term plans in my life. I never think I'm going to be alive long enough to follow through with them. Hell I never planned to live this long. 30 was not an age I expected to obtain, and now I'm 33. Hard to believe.