I know it is not true, but I struggle with feeling worthless. I feel like I just exist in other people's lives. A ghost who drifts in and out without a word, and ultimately, with no impact. I wonder if I mean anything to anyone anymore.
I've been in so many different places that when people ask where I'm from I never know what answer I'll give them at any moment. I have no roots. Just a drifter. wandering with the wind. I'm so tired of the journey. Sometimes I just want the painful passage of days to end. It hurts to think of the past. Brings tears to my eyes to contemplate the future. I feels so lost and so hopeless
So much pain weighs heavily on my heart and mind. I feel like I don't matter to anyone. I know its not true, but my friends are scattered to the four winds. Many I'm no longer in contact with. The lines go both ways, but I feel like I shouldn't make the call, b/c I worry that I'll bother them, or be too inconvenient.
Just ONCE i want to belong, without a doubt. I want to feel safe and secure. wanted and loved, not just tolerated for the duration.
I am just one voiceless scream among millions. Why should anyone care about me or give a damn if I live or die? Why can't I get over these feelings of hopelessness and despair?
My entire life is shattered, leaving me to once again cut myself as I pick up the pieces, wincing as the blood flows through my fingers. I may never be whole again. Maybe I never really was. Maybe I just pretended for a very long time, and managed to halfway fool a lot of people. I'm so tired of pretending. I'm so tired of this seething pain that festers daily in my mind and soul.
Do I matter to anyone beyond a precious few?
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