Changing seas.

Someimtes I feel like such a burden on those around me.  Still carrying around too much baggage with my emotional problems. For the first time in a while walking around under the stars didn't have the desired effect of lifting my spirits, but made me feel lonely and empty. Past problems wandering to the surface. A pain not wanted mentioned slipped to the surface agian, now I sit and dwell for the briefest moment. I'm not out to ruin reputations or grow anger against people, but I can't hide the truth of events. It happened, the dice must fall where they land, however unfortuante.

This week feels odd. For the first time in months, I didn't deal with two-face people. Didn't have to pretend to be happy when I wasn't. Didn't have to wonder if grabbing food would cause my roommate to threaten to kick me out. Didn't worry about anything in fact. No work, no rushing to pack up and stack boxes, no wondering what new hell this day would bring. It was a relaxing day, and has been a good week.

I didn't fully realize just how bad things had gotten over there until coming here. This. .  this is nice. What being a room mate living with friends should be. Help out with cleaning when you make a mess, eating dinner together and chatting, sharing laughter that's not forced. Talking about everything and anything, sharing memories and having good converstaion. Simply enjoying each other's company and companionship.

 For the first time in months, I've spend the week eating regularly, and well. Fruit is plentiful and fresh. Well cooked meals are the norm instead of the exception. I don't have to stress out about what I'm eating will make anyone angry. I perfer this. I badly needed this. Just acceptance from the people around me. Even at home I don't always feel like I get that.

I miss my friends, and I look forward to going back, but I'm not looking forward to the stress and misery it inevitalby brings. However, I hope to bring this tranquility back with me, as well as the spark for my craft to light a fire under others, and bring them more fully into practicing thier paths, and doing rituals, now that I've seen how spiritually furfiling it is.

I hope to be a beacon for those who are Pagan, or wish to become Pagan, but feel lost as to how to do it, or are unsure of what they truely want. Just as this group provided me with many tools to take my path more fully into my hands, I hope that I can pass that favor on to others around me.