Did a couple readings a few days ago, for myself as well as my boyfriend. Interesting and accurate readings yet again. I find it rather fitting that my end card from my last reading was my beginning card for this reading.
Justice: achieving a new sense of balance: harmony. I didn't track the rest of my reading as closely as I should have, although I did understand the message it gave me. It seems that my dragons are very talkative and have much to share. I need to remember to listen to them when they wish to communicate.
I was so angry and insulted that he'd handled my cards without my permission, but after calming down and realizing it didn't ruin my cards for me as I'd feared, it turned out to be a very positive experience. It even seemed to have enhanced my cards quite a bit.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Student Loan
The problem of paying student loans has been looming over me for
years. Deference have carried me through two years of unemployment, but
now I make an income and need to stop hiding from this issue.This year
I'm going to start making it a priority to get it paid off, and get the
interest down before it comes into repayment.
I am also wanting to put money in savings and actually have something there in case I need it later. Twice have I stared out the window of a friend or my mom's care, without a penny to my name and wondered what was I gonna do, how I would start over with my life.
Its frightening to be so dependent on others, and to realize how fragile your life really is. Everything can be gone in an instant, before you even know what's happening. At some point, denial no longer wonks and the reality of the situation finally starts setting in.
Its going to be hard. I don't even make minimum wage, and can only put about 300 on my bill a month, but that's better then nothing. I hope to be debt free by 2020, but if not, then so far along that I'll be debt free by 35. I don't want my thirties and forties haunted by debt.
I am also wanting to put money in savings and actually have something there in case I need it later. Twice have I stared out the window of a friend or my mom's care, without a penny to my name and wondered what was I gonna do, how I would start over with my life.
Its frightening to be so dependent on others, and to realize how fragile your life really is. Everything can be gone in an instant, before you even know what's happening. At some point, denial no longer wonks and the reality of the situation finally starts setting in.
Its going to be hard. I don't even make minimum wage, and can only put about 300 on my bill a month, but that's better then nothing. I hope to be debt free by 2020, but if not, then so far along that I'll be debt free by 35. I don't want my thirties and forties haunted by debt.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Red flags
Boyfriends. So many run through your life, tellling you what you want in a lifemate, and what you can do without and what you absoultly will not tolerate or put up with. Red flags in relationships to watch out for are big key componants to dating. Perhaps I should start listening to my own instincts on this subject.
I want one who treats me with respect. Doesn't do things just to mess with me or cuase pain, someone who stops when I tell them I find a particular action disrespectful. One who doesn't belittle me, or try to tell me that they own me. Possessiveness is a HUGE red flag for abuse.
I want one WITHOUT LIFE DRAMA! No more ex wifes still in the picture, no child drama. Or worse, current girl that they intend to move in with at a later point in life, leading to a totally frutile situatioin. Don't mind a guy with a kid.
Maturity! This one is vague, but I'm tired of passive aggressivness and the inablity to talk about problems. I hate finding myself in situations where a guy is punishing me because I make a mistake or I didn't catch what they said. I don't need a boyfriend who can't talk about an issue going on without trying to even the score and do the same thing back to someone who is doing something to them that bothers them. Revenge is another Red flag for me.
I want a guy with stablilty, a good job that pays well, and who can handle money! I'm NOT an ATM when they use up all thier cash and suddenly realize they need money for something that's actually important becuase they went out and spent 300 on somet eletronic toy they wanted. I also want a guy who will prioritize needs from wants. We need a bed, we don't need yet another pair of headphones, or another DS, laptop, or whatever other item they think is awesome that day.
I'm not into buying a new electronic just becuase the latest version came out. I don't really believe in obsolete. If something still works, its not obselte. When I buy something new, I want it to be nice, but I also want it to last for several years. Thrwoing money away on a new item every two years just isn't my cup of tea.
I hate being asked to spend my money and try to support his spending habits every week. If we're low on cash, don't go out to eat! If we need something, keep a saving account to cover those kinds of emergency expenses! A small amount will add up over time and he won't have to keep going up to people to ask to borrow money!
Credit: Be good with it. Don't just open up accounts for the sake of having a credit line. If you want one, keep it to what you can afford to pay off quickly to cut down on interest. Don't just keep racking up more and more debt.
I need a guy with a good temperment, who will treat my animal with respect. I own a dog, and people I date should be able to respect or at the very least, ignore my pup.I don't like him tormented, or shoved around when the guy is angry at me, or thrown roughly off the bed when he jumps up. I also need someone who doesn't mind going withi me for walks.
Ah, secrecty. . . I am NOT a dirty secret that needs to stay hidden. That just makes me feel worthless and unwanted. I want to be able to walk around and hold hands, and be affectionate wthout them worrying about us being seen by someone they know. Why wouldn't you want to tell your friends that you're in a relationship? Its not like I'm hideious, and I get plenty of compliments on my looks.
I think this is what hurts the most. It makes me feel like Im playing the other women and devalues the relationship immensely. Why do I even bother dating him at all?
I want one who treats me with respect. Doesn't do things just to mess with me or cuase pain, someone who stops when I tell them I find a particular action disrespectful. One who doesn't belittle me, or try to tell me that they own me. Possessiveness is a HUGE red flag for abuse.
I want one WITHOUT LIFE DRAMA! No more ex wifes still in the picture, no child drama. Or worse, current girl that they intend to move in with at a later point in life, leading to a totally frutile situatioin. Don't mind a guy with a kid.
Maturity! This one is vague, but I'm tired of passive aggressivness and the inablity to talk about problems. I hate finding myself in situations where a guy is punishing me because I make a mistake or I didn't catch what they said. I don't need a boyfriend who can't talk about an issue going on without trying to even the score and do the same thing back to someone who is doing something to them that bothers them. Revenge is another Red flag for me.
I want a guy with stablilty, a good job that pays well, and who can handle money! I'm NOT an ATM when they use up all thier cash and suddenly realize they need money for something that's actually important becuase they went out and spent 300 on somet eletronic toy they wanted. I also want a guy who will prioritize needs from wants. We need a bed, we don't need yet another pair of headphones, or another DS, laptop, or whatever other item they think is awesome that day.
I'm not into buying a new electronic just becuase the latest version came out. I don't really believe in obsolete. If something still works, its not obselte. When I buy something new, I want it to be nice, but I also want it to last for several years. Thrwoing money away on a new item every two years just isn't my cup of tea.
I hate being asked to spend my money and try to support his spending habits every week. If we're low on cash, don't go out to eat! If we need something, keep a saving account to cover those kinds of emergency expenses! A small amount will add up over time and he won't have to keep going up to people to ask to borrow money!
Credit: Be good with it. Don't just open up accounts for the sake of having a credit line. If you want one, keep it to what you can afford to pay off quickly to cut down on interest. Don't just keep racking up more and more debt.
I need a guy with a good temperment, who will treat my animal with respect. I own a dog, and people I date should be able to respect or at the very least, ignore my pup.I don't like him tormented, or shoved around when the guy is angry at me, or thrown roughly off the bed when he jumps up. I also need someone who doesn't mind going withi me for walks.
Ah, secrecty. . . I am NOT a dirty secret that needs to stay hidden. That just makes me feel worthless and unwanted. I want to be able to walk around and hold hands, and be affectionate wthout them worrying about us being seen by someone they know. Why wouldn't you want to tell your friends that you're in a relationship? Its not like I'm hideious, and I get plenty of compliments on my looks.
I think this is what hurts the most. It makes me feel like Im playing the other women and devalues the relationship immensely. Why do I even bother dating him at all?
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
New Years 2014. . ..
I never thought I'd spend a New Years with someone and still feel so alone. Even dating doesn't get through the layers of isolation that I always feel this time of year. I'm 29 years old. Odd to think next year I'll be 30, and no closer to any of my life goals then I've ever been. If anything, I am further away from them all. Perhaps its time to create some new ones after all, instead of chasing ones that only grow further away.
I chose to simply float on the wind this year, as a leaf would. I wound up in Hawaii, which is a surprise. And if I where following the plan others had made for me, this would be my last days in Hawaii. I wonder how life would turn out if I went back to Chicago ? I'd see my friends again, but I don't think I'd want to stay in IL again.
Doesn't matter where I wind up. I'm miserable no matter where I go. Just a few fleeting moments of contentment, destroyed so easily by such simple words. Sometimes I just want the pain to end, perhaps at the blade of a knife, perhaps not. Pain isn't a friend, its just a constant companion I'd rather be rid of.
No one understands, yet everyone suspects. But why care anymore? Let her have him.. . its what he wants anyway. perhaps this is the lesson of the relationship, in more ways then one. . . choices that we make, much too late do we realize if they where the right ones or not, and by that time its far too late to change things for the better. . ..
Better? It doesn't get better. It just changes. . . .It just gets different. . . So heres to something different in 2014. Heres to hoping to make it through to another year. 29 is such a long time to drift. . . .
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