I got a new place, although I still don't feel fully comfortable in this house. I don't even have a desire to unpack and try to put anything up. I have no motivation.
I don't even want to unpack. I just keep thinking to myself that this house of cards is going to come crashing down around my head and I'm gonna wind up repacking it all up again, so why bother? I'm already 1000 dollars in debt, and I can't afford to do that again to get a different place. I think I'm in trouble.
I feel like a failure. My entire life just feels hopeless. One day bleeds into the next as a constant reminder of how pointless this existence is. Doctors keep prescribing me pills that don't really help and come with their own host of problems. I miss my old self. I am in so much pain, both physical and emotional. It doesn't feel like it will ever end.
There really is only one way to end it. Life itself has to cease. I need to end this torture. I wish I could just slit my wrist and end it all.
I hate antidepressants. They made me feel so off. So vague. Like I'm not even me anymore.
