Cuddling with my demons

Brick by brick, stone by stone. Its time to rebuild those walls to hide the pain within, and allow it to only shine back upon myself, where it belongs. Buried deep, don't let them know how much you're hurting.

Don't let them see the emotions that rage within. No more tears. They don't change anything. Nothing ever will. I seem resigned to follow this same pattern the rest of my life. Just once, I'd like to look forward to the holidays and not have something like this hanging over me and making me hate the idea of the next year to come.

t Pain and my demons seems to be the only constant companions that I can trust.

musings

Often I feel like nothing I do is good enough. I can't keep boyfriends, jobs, or homes I live in. Do I just unintentionally set myself up for failure every time, or just that horribly unlucky?

 I feel like I'm walking on thin ice that's already started to crack around my feet with each step I take. If I stand still, I'll fall through, but every step poses the danger of having the ground shatter around me and plunging into the icy depths anyway.

Just once, I'd like to know what my plans are for the next few months, or hell even the next year. Nothing is settled or stable. I've been drowning in the sea for so long. Even this sheltered respite is coming to an end, leaving me isolated and alone again.

So tell me friends, where do the most lonely of us go to feel like we belong somewhere aside from the void?